“There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast foods.” -Ron Swanson
This was going to be a good long blog post about depression. And how it sucks. And how bipolar is really difficult to manage when you’re an athlete. Shit, it’s hard to manage when you’re a regular human just trying to get through regular life.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want to talk about depression. At least not right now. I don’t want to talk about how it took my life off the rails for a month and a half, right in prime gorgeous summertime. I don’t want to tell you that I didn’t go to the gym or the pool or get on my bike for almost 3 weeks because I. JUST. COULDN’T.
Because right now, I’m doing great. I’ve changed my meds, stopped any alcohol (it wasn’t a lot to start with, and I don’t think it was an issue, and I want to make sure my brain is firing like it needs to) adopted a strict bedtime and wake up time ritual and written little notes to myself that remind me that I’m not broken; I’m a human on a specific journey.
I also want to be clear: food makes me happy. I eat when I’m feeling all my feelings, sad, happy, excited, anxious, joyful, tired. I don’t eat to numb those feelings. I eat because I love to eat.
And, sometimes, that eating makes me feel better.
Case in point: breakfast is my favorite meal, foodwise. You know it’s a special day in my house when either:
1. We’re going out for a real proper fancy breakfast, or
2. We’re having breakfast for dinner.
So on the mornings when I’m not sure how I’m going to feel I make waffles. We got a little waffle maker just for this. And we have instant Kodiak Cakes mix. I’m not sure how many bad days have been averted by those waffles, and I don’t care.
Ron Swanson and I might not agree on everything, but when it comes to food, we often do. And also Leslie Knope, because whipped cream and waffles is maybe the best.
So I’m not going to talk about depression today. Because I don’t feel like it.
And if you need someone to talk to about depression, I’m here.
And here are some great resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
They also have a live chat website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
You can text The Samaritans: (877) 870-4673 (HOPE)
You’re human. You’re not broken. And you’re not alone.
We love you.
No matter what any of us might say, there are folks who love you. And if you come to my house, I’ll make you waffles. Then we’ll go on a bike ride. I can't promise that that will fix anything, but the waffles are really tasty and riding bikes is fun. So at least for a few minutes, there will be some joy. And sometimes, that's all it takes. A little bit of joy.