this post is rated ‘R’ (it might even be NC-17)
Upfront, right away: this post is about sex. More specifically, about sex post-surgery. And pre-surgery. It’s not graphic, but it’s pretty matter-of-fact. I’m going to call a vagina a vagina, not a hoo-ha or some other clever alias. If you’re uncomfortable with that, stop reading now. I fully expect that this will be the least read post on my blog. I’m OK with that.
Anyone who knows me well enough and for long enough knows that I’ve never shied away about talking about sex. ((As a funny example: I may or may not have mentioned, while my 14-year old nephew was in the room, that V and I were looking forward to “having sex all over the house, since the in-laws were gone.” He laughed. Good kid.))
I embrace almost all forms of sexuality, even if it’s not my cup of tea. Whether you like whips and chains or dressing up in a furry costume I’ve always said, “Whatever floats your boat, so long as it doesn’t rock mine.” My personal sex life is quite vanilla. Though it’s also very fulfilling. It hasn’t always been, but as I’ve grown older and had more partners I’ve learned that if I don’t make sure I’m satisfied, no one else is going to.
And yes, I’ve had multiple partners. Of multiple sexes. If you didn’t know, now you do; I always have, and still do, consider myself bisexual.
But that’s not what this post about. ((Though I do realize that I just came out to the whole world. Well, the ones who didn’t know. That’s probably a lot of you. Sorry to be so impersonal about it. It’s just never been a big deal for me.))
And I’m a huge proponent of sex before marriage, but not before love. Make smart choices.
But that’s also not what this post is about.
This post is about how much my sex life and sexual satisfaction has improved since losing 50-82 pounds.
Because I was super surprised about it.
I’ve always been very satisfied with the sex V and I have. Especially since we hit our stride about 4 years ago. Something about being married for 2 years allowed us to have some serious (and seriously sexy) discussions about satisfaction and all that. Sex has always been good for both of us. Friends will tell you that one of the reasons I knew V was my soulmate/bishert/”one” is because the sex was off the charts from month 1. (I say month 1 because I had to know I loved him before we had sex. I knew from date #3, about 3 weeks in. The extra week was for a frank discussion about protection. Make smart choices.)
I started thinking about the improved sex a few weeks ago. I actually brought it up in the sweet after-sex pillow talk last week. V agreed that he had noticed a difference in frequency and in my satisfaction. Whether it’s that I have more energy or that my hormones are cycling like a normal woman’s for the first time ever, I don’t know.
Here’s my advice if you’re unhappy with your current partner, or your current level of satisfaction:
1. Have an open and frank discussion with your partner. Maybe they are also unsatisfied. If you are both unhappy there are many many very fun ways to figure out how to make each other happy.
2. Get some exercise. Anything to get your endorphin levels up. You’ll be happier, and in the long run, have more energy.
3. If you need to lose weight, do it. Stop making excuses. Start making a plan.
4. Stop drinking soda! Drink more water. ((This might not be necessary for better sex, but do you know how bad soda is for you? All that junk can’t be good for the systems in your body.))
5. Eat less or no meat. Stop eating processed crap food. Eat more veggies and fruits. And if you’re going to eat meat (I eat quite a bit of chicken to get all my protein for the day), make sure it’s organic and free-range. Same for those veggies and fruits. ((This also might not be necessary for better sex, but do you know how bad processed foods and meats are? All that junk can’t be good for the systems in your body.))
Let’s be clear – I’m not saying fat people can’t have good and satisfying sex. I had excellent sex when I was fat. I’m continuing to have excellent and satisfying sex, and I still consider myself fat.
I’m saying that this is my experience: losing weight improved my sex life. It improved all of my life, in every aspect. And if you’re unsatisfied, whether it’s in bed (or the kitchen, or the living room, or the shower) or in your life in general, figure out how to get satisfaction. Get rid of all the junk that is cluttering up your life, whether it’s literally junk, or junk food, or a junk partner. You have choices, you really really do.
Make smart ones.